The Hottest Lesbians of Cinema (Part One)
On I Can't Think Straight (2008) and Dykes Before Blanchett
Crude! Insolent! Horny! Lesbians before they were Oscar bait! Exactly what you signed up for! Since the last installment of critically queer was relatively serious and analysis-heavy, today we’re talking about The Hottest Lesbians of Cinema (Part One/Infinity).
But before we begin, some GAY FILM ANNOUNCEMENTS
I’m keeping this newsletter somewhat short today, because you’ll have another in your inbox within a few days, all about the LGBTQ+ picks being offered for this year’s Slamdance Film Festival
Somewhere in the near future I’ll be discussing Jewish American queer gal angst supreme with Tahara and Shiva Baby, two of my favorites out of NewFest 2020. Why am I giving you this hint? Because neither film is available on-demand. However, the films are playing festivals right now, and will likely still be touring the festival circuit for a little while! You can find Tahara here, and Shiva Baby here.
You can find I Can’t Think Straight, the topic of today’s newsletter, on Vudu, Google Play, YouTube for rental, YouTube for free if you look hard enough, or Scamazon Prime. Onward!
As part of another assignment I’ve miraculously been given the green light for, I’m watching a few of the films that a teenage me used to ashamedly, raptly consume without context, the result of scouring the internet for clips of “lesbian scenes,” or “lesbians in movie kiss.” These were the scenes (and only sometimes the full movies) that informed a great deal of what I then understood to be the universally agreed-upon definition of lesbianism. Hushed tones, flattering lighting, conveying lust in hurried glances, teasing your girl crush by flirting with her boyfriend, fucking your teacher. I am an adolescent of the 2000s (eek), when these sensual, illicit sapphic films were being produced with some regularity, so to me they are a soft, warm landing more than they are fodder for critical disdain.
I’ll certainly return to other films in this category for future newsletters, but none have quite stood the personal test of time as well as I Can’t Think Straight. The main reason for this, of course, is that the 2008 romantic drama has a fully-realized, gorgeous, illicit romance at its center: an affair between the bored, rebellious, and serially engaged socialite Tala (Lisa Ray), and the introverted, endearingly awkward, aspiring writer Leyla (Sheetal Sheth). The plot follows Tala straying from her latest parentally-arranged fiancé in order to pursue the far more interesting, but equally unavailable Leyla in a jaunt that turns into a genuine connection. But can they reconcile their familial duties with their need to remain true to their identities and love for one another? Can they play a game of tennis without fucking on the court?! Truly, a formula made in turn of the millennium lesbian dram-rom-com heaven.
Can you spot the origin of Santana Lopez’s famous “Lebanese” shirt in this trailer?
Before getting to the most important part of this film (the kissing!!!!!!!), I do want to note that I Can’t Think Straight has two very interesting real life collaborations at its center. One is that of British-Jordanian writer-director Shamim Sarif and her then partner of 13 years, (now wife!) Hanan Kattan, whom she convinced to produce the film. The second is the partnership of Sheth and Ray. Both sets of real and fictional lesbians made two lesbian romances together that came out in the same blessed year! I can’t find a complete oral history of this feat that I am dying to read, but for now here is the Guardian interview with Sarif that left me utterly in awe/shock of her determination to make 2009 Her Year. Two entirely unrelated lesbian films created by a lesbian couple? And neither of them are terrible? Somebody bring me a Donna Deitch Achievement Award for Unrecognized Excellence!
While falling into the independent lesbian production budget category, in which happy endings are scarce but cheating spouses, questionable power dynamics, and straight to DVD releases are abundant, the creative foursome managed to theatrically distribute both I Can’t Think Straight and The World Unseen. I far prefer I Can’t Think Straight, as The World Unseen is a sometimes morose period drama that ambitiously mixes colonial romance with apartheid-era South Africa, and it doesn’t always work. However, if you can’t get enough of Ray and Sheth’s chemistry, it does the job.
Speaking of chemistry, Ray and Sheth are magnetic – both to the audience and to each other. From the first time Tala even looks at Leyla, her world stops, and we get the age-old joy of watching Tala figure out what to do with that unwieldy level of attraction. Make out immediately? Hide? Fight?! Despite cheesy lines, and some vague, flirtatious political discussion that conflates anti-Semitism with anti-Zionism (please don’t ask me why so many lesbian movies take a watery stance on the Israeli occupation of Palestine, investigation is ongoing), their rapport makes I Can’t Think Straight into a canon-worthy romance. The number of times it’s been excluded from “Best Lesbian Movie” lists isn’t so confounding, because it’s not a critical darling, and those lists are often a toss up of movies of the last five years, or films that aren’t actually textually gay (aside from Autostraddle’s incredible encyclopedia). What is more puzzling is its absence when people ask for a) Fluffy Lesbian Rom Coms; b) Contemporary Lesbian Films; c) Fictional Lesbians with Actual Chemistry; d) Not Another White Lesbian Film; or e) Lesbian Films that Actually Fuck.
I Can’t Think Straight, and most of my treasured “Bad Lesbians/Bisexuals! You can’t do that!” 2000s installments, bristles with joy over dyke attraction. The characters practically shudder every time they brush each other’s arm, and there are enough make outs for me to actually choose a favorite! I am duty bound by my Oath of Film Dyke Journalism to point to a scene much replayed: the time honored tradition of “teaching” your crush to dance but actually just seducing them with your moves. And hey! In I Can’t Think Straight, it works! It works so well that we’re treated to an electric make out that turns into a deliciously sensual lovemaking montage that some dude critic bashed as “slow-motion close-ups of lips, hands on skin, and hair, hair, hair!” and failed to realize that, um, lesbians play with each others’ hair?
(I tried this dancing trick with my first high school girlfriend, but alas, I am not Lisa Ray. She thankfully found that to just be charming instead of hugely embarrassing, and that is why I am still in the LGBTQ+ community today.)
So if you’re in the mood for a frothy, fun little lesbian flick starring and created by women of color, this is my recommendation. It’s possibly the least offensive of my mid-aughts selections, so gear up for those further down the line! And, in my mind, the story is made all the more enjoyable by the admission that Sarif based much of the plot on her and Kattan’s own story. It’s cathartic to know that a lesbian wrote a happy ending based on her own. Maybe we don’t all end up in a ditch somewhere, or in a false, unhappy marriage to a man! Who would have thought?! Certainly not me, Shayna “Dead Lesbian/Bisexuality is Only A Phase ‘Til I Meet a Suitable Man” Warner.